Friday, August 12, 2011

When he was just a brain

Rice krispie treats


When people ask me if my dog ​​is a mongrel, I say, "No, it's an idiot."

King Louie is a nine, twelve pound miniature poodle who has the intelligence of rock salt. The day we brought him home, the husband and I decided to name him Zippy, but in a few hours, we realized that it is not suited to his name.

On his first day of class the teacher of obedience has taught me that Louie was untrainable. This was shortly after pulling out most of his hair before a nameJell-O brain and ran sobbing from the building. Louie not only has the class, has been dishonorably discharged.

We named the dog, King Louie surly, not because of his attitude and his royal majesty. He deserves this title because of his arrogant manner. The dominant small devil rules our country with an iron paw. He demands absolute respect of his people. Louie goes from cute little balls of fur in a wild animal in 3.5 milliseconds, when someoneThe attempts to usurp his authority in itself. He growls ferociously at anyone who dares to release him from his throne bed.

In addition to being a control freak with a brain or do we re s ize Krispy King Louie is a loner. He hates guests decline - guests or for that matter. Perhaps his unfortunate state of mind is the result of a painful periodontitis. Or that, or not enough fiber in his diet. For whatever reason, discouraged the invaders toothless little tyrantdiscovered the gums, wizened and screaming obscenities.

Even if your area includes forty acres of forest, the king did not wander far from home. In fact he has no desire to go out much at all, especially unaccompanied. And he is adamant, do not dare, in the rain. It takes three sumo wrestlers in this dwarf of a dog outside the door of force in case of bad weather. How passive aggressive dog, she takes it from Louie himself under the porch.

Louie has left its mark -different, in fact - not in the world, but in our house. Even if you can roam free in our 3000 square meters, two floors, or if he feels the need to launch an attack of uncontrollable explosive diarrhea, heads straight for the oriental rug. If you throw out, he's staring at the door until they let him in. Once inside sprayed again, picks up where it left off and put something of a head or the other. Louie the dog to obey faithfully the ethics code, which listsRule number one, why throw it out.

The monarch Mangey monopolized my bed and complains at the bathroom door when I'm in the bathtub. Jump into my lap when I write, and he looked at me when I go to the bathroom. It clings to me like a hair on a grilled cheese sandwich.

Louie's favorite places is my ankle. After nine years of intensive training, has not yet learned to sit. In fact, knows almost like being in it. However, he said a couple of voice commands. ForSo when I say "come", said that now runs in the opposite direction. When I say "stay", jumps up and lies down my thigh, like leeches. When I asked him to "heel", said chewing shoes. While chasing car and I shouted "No!" He steps his rhythm quickly. I can not convince him to get both. The stick he's only interested in a breadstick, and only he is chasing balls are meatballs.

I think the problem is that Louie did not understand English. Poodles come fromfrom France, I tried to speak French to him. Who knew that was not bilingual? I said "oui oui", and he did just that! So now I'm learning French so that it can communicate with him in his mother tongue.
This high-strung dog turns up his nose real cookies and milk bone dog chow, preferring chips, cherries jubilee, and linguine in a sauce of clams. This is something we have in common. In fact, we are very similar in the food department.

None of us enjoys thatnutritious, and we both occasionally eat until we're sick. But I do not eat foods completely or launch twice my weight - in bed. Crying too stubborn himself under the dining table while moaning, whining and drooling during the meal. I also refuse, paper plates, the smell no matter how expensive they are taking, and I would never roll on dirty laundry and nibble at the feet of my husband.

He recently accompanied his Peskiness us on a long car ride. A very long journey. Aat least seemed to take forever. This should be a relaxing holiday? Louie has refused to sit anywhere in the car, but my lap. On the way, 6 hours, dealt with a jump in my face, licked my face and breathing in the face. He complained incessantly, except occasionally during a break or two, to lick the windows.

Riding in cars is a favorite pastime is Louie. Or at least he is enthusiastic about the border by car, in anticipation of the race. He believes stronglystrong that accompany us everywhere. After all, you never know when a dog pant little demon and bark violently at nothing right in your ears while you need is on the front foot while the speed on the highway.

The only thing that Louie likes better than being out in the car. Leaving the avenue begins, the pathetic whining and not stop until the door opens, allowing his escape.

You can always tell when Louie was in the car. TheThe windows are covered with dog drool and the car smells like a combination of water moldy swamp, an old bowling shoes and a safe toilet.

Besides car rides, other things Louie enjoys marking its territory, if new furniture is included in our house, is located in the middle of a room full of company and licks, incessantly barking at invisible monsters, fiercely charging the poor UPS, which emit odors poultry and ignore everything said by his master, with the exception"Treating" of th e wor ds and "yummies".

The pomegranate is smarter Crazy Louie (aka nuts) and all the fruit that you respect should be insulted to be compared with him. The nano is a good thing he's cute. If it were not for the floppy ears and the defenseless, innocent look, she could never survive that long.

The only reason we have is the "crazy" endured for nine years, we are confident that any normal family would have to tolerate his obnoxious behavior. We are sorry for him becauseis brain damage and ill manners. We believe that her "inner puppy" may have traumatized early in life, warping his personality and his brain is psychopathic apples. We spoil him rotten, because we feel sorry for him. It was better than most of the children, and nothing is expected of him. He does not even take out the trash.

I tried several times to tell Louie, but in the last minute, I have several times by feelings of guilt. I just know that any new owner would certainlyAbuse him because he would go mad. If we are trying to get rid of him, we must think more about what could be done for a new owner, if the small slip is not only biting the hand that feeds reconsider, but it takes a loss on his clean clothes, eat his underwear and barf on your pillow.

So we kept it all these years, Louie, not because we love him. . . only to protect him from an early entry into doggie heaven. Although, if such a place exists, I seriously doubt that Louiewould be allowed in